Of Flammable Jumpers and Dripping Detectives
by Consulting Squids
Summary: Short bit of relatively fluffy dialogue between Sherlock and John. A one-shot. Slash, if you squint. Please read and review! :D


A short bit of fluff. Not exacly slash, but can be seen as pre-slash if you like. My first story in this fandom. Entirely dialogue between Sherlock and John.

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"Sherlock."

"Yes?"

"Where are my jumpers?"

"I used them for an experiment. I was testing the flamability of different fibres."

"You WHAT?"

"You didn't seem to mind, John."

"You didn't even _ask_ me!"

"Yes I did."

"When was that, then?"

"...About an hour ago."

"Sherlock, I was out an hour ago! You sent me out to bring Lestrade that head that you were keeping in the fridge. Then, as it turned out, Lestrade was busy and so I was stood in the police station with a head in a hat box with Anderson breathing down my neck, questioning me on what _you've_ done this time. So I had to explain to him that you were 'borrowing' it from the morgue to test the post-mortem coagulation of saliva, only to return home to find out that you've SET ALL MY JUMPERS ON FIRE!"

"I didn't burn all of them, John."

"...Really?"

"Yes. I didn't ignite the one you're wearing."

"SHERLOCK!"

"Yes, John?"

"...Well will you at least do something useful with yourself?"

"It depends. Is it something terribly _boring_?"

"Go pick up groceries, Sherlock."

"But, John-"

"Sherlock, the head that you kept in the fridge tainted everything else in it. Go."

"John-!"

"NOW!"

"John, let me in."

"Don't you have your keys?"

"I lost them."

"Do you have the groceries?"

"No. I lost them, too. Well, I forgot. I was busy."

"Sherlock!"

"Let me in, John."

"If you're so clever find your own way in, once you've gotten groceries."

"Please? The door is deadlocked. And I'm cold."

"Please? It's not like you to be polite. Alright, come in."

"..."

"Sherlock, why are you dripping wet?"

"I fell. In a pond."

"You fell in a pond?"

"Don't laugh, John."

"How'd you manage that? You just happened to find yourself a pond and just happened to fall in it? Hold up! Don't drip on the upholstery!"

"Sorry. I am a _bit_ wet, though."

"What were you doing to end up falling in a pond?"

"It was frozen. Well, sort of frozen."

"Why were you even at a pond?"

"I wanted to observe the ducks."

"The ducks?"

"Yes, John, the ducks."

"Okay, alright then, you don't have to tell me. So, where is it you lost your keys?"

"In the pond."

"With the ducks, I'm sure. You're mad."

"No, I'm brilliant."

"Yeah, looks like it from here. Bloody Hell, Sherlock, you're freezing!"

"That would be the water. And the fact that it's winter."

"Sherlock, we need to get you out of those clothes."

"I'm flattered, John, but-"

"Oh, shut up and stop acting like a child. You need something warm to wear."

"Alright. Go check my closet."

"Sherlock, your closet is comprised of button-up shirts and black trousers. And you got bored of your robe so you decided to shoot that to bits, so you really don't have anything..."

"I wear clothing, and as you just said, I do have things in my closet."

"You need something _warm_ to wear! It's winter!"

"Well, what do you suggest, _John_?"

"Okay, I'll get you a pair of my trousers. They'll be a little short by the ankles but it's not like you're going outside again any time soon. And they're better than suit trousers. Get those on and get your shirt off."

"What shirt should I be wearing, seeing as none of my own are 'suitable'?"

"Hold on a moment. Have you got the trousers on, yet?"

"Yes, John. John, why are you taking your jumper off?"

"Because, _Sherlock_, it seems to be the only warm article of clothing in this residence that isn't Mrs. Hudson's, dripping wet, or now a pile of ashes on the dinner table. Go on, put it on."

"Aren't you cold, now?"

"I'll be fine. I've got my undershirt and I'm not dripping wet. I might go get one of your shirts, if I need it. Now, sit down and warm yourself up. I'll go make us tea. Okay?"

"Yes."

"Two sugars, yeah?"

"...Thank you, John."

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Should I write more or not? Hugs and virtual cookies for anyone who reviews! :D


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